I slapped a woman with a dead fish!

So… by slapped, I mean “should of” and by dead fish, I mean “my lunch in my hand”. Please note that I generally don’t ever walk around wanting to slap people with fish… come to think of it, I actually have never slapped anyone with a fish but this woman clearly deserved an old fish slap & I would have done it had my conscience not over-ridden my instinct.

You see… there I was, in Woolworths, clutching my “salmon & avocado sushi to go snacker” & a bottle of “superfruit cooling cranberry”, making my way down the queue towards the till. And for those of you who have never been to a Woolies in SA (peep out of the rock you’re under)… the queues are actually another isle. One filled with chocolates, sweets, magazines & other essential I’ve-just-finished-my-shopping-but-really-really-need-this items. I’m guessing their marketing campaign was to place items in Isle number queue that people would land up buying while standing in said queue.

I’m also guessing that the marketing campaign worked, not only because the shelves are neatly packed children’s havens but because people tend to get bored in queues. They usually land up picking up the various things, realizing that even though they didn’t need any of it… they do now! Great… thanks, good job!

The problem with these isles… I mean… queues, is that people tend to skip the actual sweet isle & carry on shopping in Isle Number Queue. Usually, this would not be a problem but on this particular day, there was no one in the queue besides me & a chunk of a woman. I had also skipped lunch & was quite hungry which actually means, I was super grumpy… had I met angry, grumpy me in a lonely alley… I would sprint in the other direction!

The woman that should of been fish slapped, had a push-cart the size of her ass and nobody (had anyone been in the queue) could pass her while she shopped for liquorice all sorts & the Womans Health magazine. She wasn’t very quick either as she read the calorie count on everything she picked up (not that the calories actually mattered).  I was the lucky guy stuck behind her & since Woolworths had done such a great job at marketing their Isle Number Queue, I could not pass!

Truth be told, I do it sometimes… stand in the queue with no consideration for other friendly shoppers but on this day I didn’t really care. I stood for a while – imaginging slapping my lunch across her face Chris Brown style & telling her how inconsiderate she actually was. Maybe I could change the way people shopped… maybe she would start a movement (literally) and never shop in the queue isle again. Maybe not! I moved her lard ass & push cart aside & jumped the queue. It felt AMAZING… I had without a doubt made her see how inconsiderate she was & now she would have to wait behind me! Maybe not. There were 4 tellers standing around not talling anything & she was still reading…

I walked away, already eating my lunch & as I thought about the events that should of happened, I realised that  push cart lady didn’t care, she didn’t even notice. Why would she? She was just in another isle anyway!

One comment

  1. Fabulous! I can totally relate, although I am usually the one who is bursting with patience…perhaps Woolies should have fish in their Isle Queues?


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